Things Done Changed...

Last week, I presented a list of my favorite love songs and explained my obsession with them. But as much as I love love and hate to see it dissolve, I've been through and seen enough to know that sometimes a breakup is inevitable.

With this post, instead of listing my favorites, I figured I'd use this one as a guide to interpreting breakup songs. Let me explain.

As we all know, break ups are not created equally.

For instance, some are the kind where one party (or both) disappears into the cool of night. For obvious reasons, I'd call that the fadeaway breakup. Then there are the breaker-uppers who logically agree to be apart for the betterment of mankind. I'd call that the C&C breakup. Calm and collected. And some are an ugly and unsalvageable mess that involve restraining orders and grimy cousins with rap sheets. That one? the COPS breakup.

But some breakups are the kind that brew in the mind long before it actually erupts and settles as toxic ash on everyone in the surrounding area; maybe for the sake of the family and kids, for a fear of the unknown, for not wanting to have to give up half. I can't call it.

All I know, is if you're NOT the one thinking of sinking the battleship, and you are hearing these songs in heavy rotation, I'm going to help you figure out if the next move, better be your best move or if you should just move on.

THURSDAY TEN SPOT

TEN SONGS THAT LET YOU KNOW THE PARTY'S OVER (OR ABOUT TO BE)

1. I Wish - Carl Thomas

It was love at first sight/I know/From the way she looked at me/Her eyes said it all/Long days and nights/We spent/Until she dropped the bomb on me

From the first piano key, you can feel the sadness and anguish of this song. New love starts out so beautifully. There are the warm and fuzzies and the Siamese twin attachment stage and the 'hang up, no you hang up' phone calls. You can't believe that you are so damn lucky in life and finally it has paid off. And then the tides change, become riptides for that matter and pull you further out of your zone and down below the surface. If someone is playing this song for you, make like an escaped convict pal.

2. Free Yourself - Fantasia

If you don't want me then don't talk to me.

She's feeling neglected and is more than likely confused by mixed signals. She's giving you the option of deciding instead of deciding for you. She wants it to work, but you don't have much time. In the words of the wise: Sh*t or get off the pot...before you get hit with it. ;o)

3. The Beyonce 4 - Me, Myself and I, Irreplaceable, Freakum Dress and Single Ladies

Do I really need to quote these? I didn't think so.

Beyonce is pretty clear on a few things in her songs: She knows her worth, she loves her man and if her man doesn't act right, she's gone. Yes, she may cry. But once the tears have dried up, so has his welcome. If you're hearing any of these four, worse yet ALL FOUR, I'd more aim for getting boxes and storage space, than an overnight bag 'until she gets over it'. To be extra helpful, I'd suggest you hit the club looking for the chick in the freakum dress, she just might be mad enough at her dude to give you a little attention.

4. All n My Grill - Missy Elliott

Don't explain, you never change/Same old thing, same old games/ ay you want to be with me, show me my ring, baby let me think/I've been in the cold/Story untold, about to unfold/How do you/Expect me/To ever believe you wan' be with me

Third time, moved you in, took you back into my life/I was a fool/I don't know what's wrong with me

Your freeloading has worn thin and you've had so many chances to get it right, but you haven't. So why are you here? Make yourself useful or go. As a matter of fact, just go.

5. Song Cry - Jay Z

That's your boy, how many times you've forgiven me/How was I to know that you was plain sick of me? I know the way a nigga living was wack/but you don't get a nigga back like that. Sh*t, I'm a man with pride you don't do sh*t like that/You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that. You don't throw away what we had, just like that. I was just f*ckin them girls I was gon' be right back...

Men: If your girl is playing this, start asking her whereabouts because there's some shadiness that's already gone down. You don't get a nigga back like that? To quote Senator Clay Davis at his finest, "Sheeeeeeeeit!"

Ladies: He's probably caught on to some dirt you've done and this is his way of letting you know he's hurting. For the most part, men don't forgive, no matter what they've done...so if you think you're coming back from this one, "Sheeeeeeeeit!"

6. If You Think You're Lonely Now - Bobby Womack

When its cold outside/Girl, who are you holding/You'll be holding me

She's always complaining about the things she aint got/And the things her girlfriends got
But lady I will let you know/I cant be in two places at one time

If you think you're lonely now/Wait until tonight, girl

This guy works to get her what she wants and keep her warm at night, but this ungrateful heifer wants more time and more Gucci and more frostbitten-ness. I can't imagine they make a man who is going to be down with this foolishness for too long sooo, if my best assessment skills are on point, I'd say it sounds like the sheets are gonna be cold honey, but your neck and wrist won't be! Holla!

7. Maybe I Deserve - Tank

Maybe I deserve/For you to go out and find some other guy/Maybe I deserve/For you to stay out all night/Maybe I deserve for you to do all the things I do to you/Maybe I deserve

Maybe you deserve to be treated the way you've treated her? Whut-everrrr! Of course, you'd deserve it! Turnabout is fairplay! But if she's playing this, she really loves you and is giving you a warning of what's to come if you don't get right...which is probably more than you deserve. 

8. When A Woman's Fed Up - The R-uh

Standing here lookin in the mirror/Sayin damn to myself/I should have known the day would come/That she would find somebody else/And all the things I took her through/I shouldnt have lasted this long/Now I'm at the telephone booth/Callin Tyrone

Pay close attention here, it may be a warning that she's on the brink. But if there's more eye rolling and sucking of teeth and the words, 'ooh, I can't wait' or 'can't stand yo ass' keeps popping up...I'd say, she's done with you.

9. Diamond in the Ruff - Jaheim

I shoulda came with a ring/Set a date for next May/But I thought that you'd wait/Now I hate that I took so long/Played around with her/Now she's gone

Bottom line: Don't end up sitting in your recliner, Al Bundy style wishing you had done things differently. If you love her, Godspeed fella! Zales, Diamond District, swap meet, make it out of tinfoil, doesn't matter. Go get that ring or you're going to miss a good thing!

10. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

Oh now go, walk out the door. Don't turn around now, you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

I can't really see anyone in my age group playing this, but this song was like the women's anthem when I was a little girl. It's not that we don't all need time to think and clear our heads, but he thought he'd leave, just to show her what she'd be missing. And came back to find the new and improved. Joke's on him, huh?! I've got no advice for you this time. If this song is playing you've got a cougar on hand (Rooowrrrr!) and she's going to give you all the advice you need going forward. LOL.

And that my good people, is my dime. 

*This has been a Public Service Announcement. ;o)

Love Jones

I’ve been in love with hip hop from 1979 to Wu Tang’s arrival; From 9-5 muthaf*cka to JayZ’s heyday, retirement and Jordanesque return. Throw in a few (just a few!) ignant tracks we won’t discuss in mixed company and I will shout that love from the mountaintops.

But in this game of love, there is always a little secret stashed away. My secret? Promise you won't judge me? (you say: I promise.) Okay. *sigh* My secret is...I’m a two-timer, a floozie, a cheat.

Beneath the sarcasm and what would definitely appear to be indifference, there is one other musical genre that adds the ooh to my ahh and the fuel to my plane – love songs.

Love songs ooze of the passion, the promise and the need that love inspires and sometimes requires. They are a witness to the natural urge to seek love, chase it or hold on to it. And if by chance love is taking leave, it is a testament to the pain of loss. When Smokey Robinson croons Ooh Baby Baby, I AM the intensity of him trying to right his wrongs. When Musiq coos So Beautiful, I AM that same beauty. When Prince is sopranoed out on Adore, I AM NOT EVEN comparable to imported Egyptian lace, but better. When MJ wails She’s Out of My Life, I AM crying.

Love songs make me feel. Not feel good or feel bad, just make me feel. Sure I enjoy some of the R&B lite songs on the radio like "U Da Best" but do I feel anything? Yes. I feel my head nodding up and down with the beat.  I also feel like letting the explaination cease and letting you in on... 

This week's THURSDAY TEN SPOT

My Favorite Love Songs of All Time

1. Cruisin' - Smokey Robinson

Baby let's cruise/Away from here/Don't be confused/The way is clear And if you want it/you've got it forever/This is not a one night stand/So let the music take your mind/Just release and you will find

You're gonna fly away/Glad you're going my way/I love it when we're cruising together

In my younger days (read: yesterday!), I naively thought he meant they were just spending quality time in the car...lol. But no! Cruisin' is a metaphor for moving to the next level both emotionally and physically, while Smokey McSmoothy sings in her ear. My original reason for loving this song is now also compounded by the subtlety I've come to love about songs from this era.

2. Try a Little Tenderness - Otis Redding

She may be weary/Young girls they do get weary/Wearing that same old shaggy dress/But when she gets weary/try a little tenderness

You know she's waiting/Just anticipating/The thing she'll never never never never never never possess. But while she's there waiting/try a little tenderness

The bible verse about love being gentle and kind springs to mind whenever I hear this song. Soft (and sincere) words to a woman (or man) can lessen the sting of some of the worst situations. They can also disarm the many superwomen and independent women who have just been through it and back. It's such a small thing that gets supremely overlooked. And as you can tell by the date on this song, it's a story older than time.

3. Adore - Prince

Until the end of time, I'll be there for you/You own my heart and mind/I truly adore you/If God one day struck me blind/Your beauty I'd still see/Love's too weak to define/Just what you mean to me

To be a fly on the wall at Lake Minnetonka! Everything about this song is intense, gripping and climactic. He wears his heart on his purply sleeve and quite frankly, I don't know who's better off here: Prince or his Lady Love. Unless his love is unrequited, it sounds like a win-win to me.

4. Secret Garden - Quincy Jones (feat. Barry White, James Ingram, El Debarge and Al B Sure!)

Tell me a Secret. And I don't want to know about just any secret...

Four grown men, one objective: The Capital O. (Don't front, you know that's always the objective!) But get this, the objective is not just for him...but for her too! That's LOVE! LOL! Seriously, this is what separates the men from the boys. They aim to make love to their respective women (properly, I might add), as opposed to just f*cking or hooking up as it's now called. Is there a difference? In my book, yes. But we'll discuss that on an FB status update, okay?

5. Stay - Jodeci

Tonight is yours/yours and mine/Let's try again to put our love on the line. Tonight/Let's start outr love again/Tonight/We can be more than just friends/The sun/is going down/So baby won't you stay/For a little while

We've all seen/starred in this movie: He said something dumb that made her cry. Now he's lonely, reminiscing, crying and wants her to stay. So he convinces her to come over and now that it's getting late (as planned) he's gonna razzle dazzle her and she's more than likely going to...stay? Oooh yeah! LOL. Love requires apologies.

6. I Gotta Be - Jagged Edge

I gotta be the one you touch/Baby, I gotta be the one you love/I gotta be the one you feel/I gotta be the one, to fill your life with sunshine.

The intensity of loving someone so much that you want HAVE GOT to be their every thing is absolutely mind blowing to me. This song feeds the hopeless romantic in me, yet I still think it's gotta be tiring.

7. Diamond in the Ruff  - Jaheim

We started out like Bobby and Whitney/Justin and Britney/Then it all got ugly/If it weren't for the money/You said I start actin funny/But what's wrong with you honey?/Then the good turns to bad/Forgot what we had/I think about it every once in awhile

I shoulda came with a ring/Set a date for next may/But I thought that you'd wait/Now I hate that I took so long/Played around with her/Now she's gone

Initially this was slated for my Break Up post for next Thursday but it is a love song. And I love Jaheim's voice. This man found a woman who brought him joy, but he let money change him AND he took too long to let her know how much he loved her. Not to be? Eh. If you liked it then you shoulda put a...you know how it ends. Still it's such a gritty pretty ode to lost love and missed opportunity.

8. Lifetime - Maxwell

I was reborn/When I was broken/I wouldn't believe (I wouldn't believe)/Been through a storm/No use in hoping/That you would come rescue me/Somehow your love set me free

There was a time/when love was unchosen/Now I'm just open for more/For something better than I had before

I can let my life pass me by/Or I can get down and try/Work it on out this life time

Love Therapy spoon fed to the broken-hearted, the jaded, and those wounded by love. Here we have Maxwell encountering another chance at love when it seemed it would never ever be marked present again. Was he out looking for it? I don't think so. But when the opportunity (a better one) presented itself, he left the darkness behind and jumped on it.

9. For Real - Amel Larrieux

I can run/I can race for hours and hours/And don't stop/I can fall/I can fly us to the highest/mountaintops

I can breathe you/I can drink in your love/I can, I can live on your smile/I can trip but if I could fall into your arms/I could stay there my whole life

This song is almost the antithesis to Lifetime. It feels so pure and angelic that I wonder if she's ever had to ask him to pick up his socks or slammed the bedroom door in anger. I'm sure she has, but the trust and love in her voice and lyrics is so clearly evident that it always restores my faith in love.

10. He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat) - Jill Scott

You love me-especially-different-every time/You keep me-On my feet-happily-excited by/Your cologne/Your hand/Your smile/Your intelligence

You woo me/You caught me/You tease me/You please me/You school me/Give me some things to think about/Ignite me/you invite me/You co-write me/You love me/You like me/You incite me to chorus

Understand this. Lyzel New HoneyBun does not incite her to sing. He incites her to chorus. That's really powerful if you ask me. Personally, I think all women should be with someone that incites them to chorus. It may not sound as pretty as Jilly's version, but still I say, let's get it.

BONUS. Method Man and Mary J. Blige - All I Need

Like sweet morning dew/I took one look at you/And it was clear to see/You are my Destiny

Shorty I'm here for you anytime you need me/For real girl, it's me and your world/Believe me/ Nothing make a man feel better than a woman/Queen with a crown that be down for whatever

Back when I was nothing/You made a brother feel like he was something/That's why I'm with you to this day Boo/no frontin

I made it very clear in the beginning that I loved hip hop and then laid my case out regarding love songs. But if you thought for one minute I wouldn't find a hiphop love song, you misjudged me! 

Even when things are bad, they're going to be in each other's corner. If that's not love, then I need someone to tell me what it is.

But my ALL TIME FAVORITE SONG of ALL TIME EVER EVER EVER? It doesn't even need a number.

Don't You Know That  - Luther Vandross

I've got your love/you need to look no further/don't you know that/don't you know that/ after my love/you'll never need another/don't you know that/don't you know that 

I don't make no promises that I cant keep/and I promised myself that i'd love you forever/how many times must i say that/for you to understand all that/yeah

Don't you know that i love you so

He doesn't promise her, he promises himself that he's going to love her forever. And he's going to keep on saying it until she understands that he's there for good. Real love is steadfast and consistent.

HONORABLE MENTION

Faith Evans - Soon As I Get Home There's so much love in working all day, standing on the stinky subway in stilettos and coming home to take care of your boo.

Anthony Hamilton - Since I Seent You Bad grammar aside, this is love at first sight. He says she's the flyest thing that life could ever bring - like fresh air he breathes and the blood he bleeds. That's pretty damn fly and life-threatening should she leave, no?! Oh my. Jesus be his oxygen mask! 

I'm sorry. I know I was supposed to do ten, but in actuality this list initially had thirty songs on it! Besides, it's a recession. It's nice to give folks a little something extra from time to time, don't you agree? :o)

That's your dime and four pennies folks! Have a great day...filled with love!

*This post has been brought to you by the letter L*

She Made Me Who I Am

Laymen's terms: She Get it From Her Momma. 

  

For mother's day, I intended to post a picture of a mom and her young children. I thought it would be endearing and would say a lot about the fuzzy feelings associated with mom on her special day. But as I searched the web, I didn't see what I wanted. Everything was too cutesy or too sappy and I realized I did not want to celebrate the cute and cuddly feelings that represent unconditional love, but recognize the real impact mother's have on our lives. 

I adore the First Lady. I like her style, her grace and intellect. She seems to march to her own tune (which in this case is not a euphemism for eccentric or odd behavior) which is great in the world of politics. She can host young girls and celebrities at the White House, meet AND hug the Queen of England, chat with Oprah, and get out in the trenches visiting public schools in the DC area. She is well-rounded, down to earth and someone I would love to meet.

But before she was the First Lady, before she was Mrs. Obama, she was Michelle Robinson, daughter of Mrs. Marianne Robinson.

We may have differences, the First Lady and I, but the one sure thing we have in common is that we are who we are because of our mothers.

Positively speaking, my mother has shaped me to be a woman with a strong regard for family - I had to take little sis or I couldn't go. That didn't always work out well, but I'll cut somebody over my sister; a woman who understands the importance of service to others - she was our girl scout leader even though I thought it was soooo not cool...lol; a woman who takes pride in dressing respectfully - even though we had some issues in my twenties that resulted in her blurting insanity that my friends still laugh about; a woman who can see the bright side of things; a woman who does not look for a man to be her savior, sugar daddy, or boops (sucker); a woman who aims to not say hurtful things to the people we love sometimes to the point of carrying the hurt ourselves.

On the flip side, because my mother did not drive, I vowed I would. And I do. I don't like to be dependent on anyone else to get where I have to. My mother is very sweet and well, me...I'm a little harder on people because it bothers me when people try to take advantage. I try to short circuit all that by being cool first and then if you make the cut, we're cool. I like it that way.

In finding the picture of the First Lady and her mother, I understand that a good mother (figure) is a blessing to a woman and everyone that woman comes in contact with, and that as I get older, the bond that we've formed in our later years has become extremely precious to me. My mother has become my best friend, my teacher once again, and my inspiration to continue to be a better person.

So as a toast to my mother, I'll say for each thing you do that drives me crazy, I am thankful for the TEN more things that make me smile or laugh. For the times you corrected me even though I KNEW I was right ;o), I am thankful that you allowed me to make my own mistakes. For the times you didn't hug us when we'd fallen, but instead patched us up and pushed us to dust ourselves off and try again, I am forever grateful.

This blog writer, daughter, author, sister, publisher, friend is who she is...and you know why.

Love.

Happy Mother's Day to all!